Throw in the Towels (the older wiser law students)

Welcome 2005

2005-01-01T11:56:00.000-08:00

I spent the last day of 2004 skiing with my family and enjoyed this last hurrah of the year as well as my much needed vacation from law school. I am looking forward to this semester though, and I think this is the first semester in my law school career I am actually looking forward to. Perhaps it is because I am taking classes that I am more interested in than thoes that are required or recommended to pass the bar. I am also, however, taking my fullest load yet--15 units! As an older law student with family obligations this will be a challenge. I thought last semester was tough with a load of 12 units so I don't know what I was thinking adding to that load. But, I also feel a pressing need to get through in 3 years. My law school allows part-time attendance and if needed I could drag this on for 4 or 5 years. But not sure I want to put myself through this for 4 or 5 years. And my oldest daughter will be a junior in high school next year. If I keep the pace, I can graduate before she graduates from high school! I think that would probably be a good goal to achieve. If nothing else, I would hope to more available to her in her own college search and to be generating income rather than spending it on my own college tuition. As noted, I worked my way through college and would love to be able to help my own children out financially as they make their way through college. Don't see how I can do that if I'm still in college myself.

Classes I'm taking this semester are Property (I didn't take this my first year), Comparative law, Cities and Towns, Corporations, Legal Research and Writing IV, Environmental Law, and possibly a directed research project in the area of constitutional law. I will also be writing an article for the school's newly revived student run online newspaper, and plan to become a little more involved with at least one student organization. This may be too much for me to handle but if I find the class load too much the first week of school I can always drop a class and pick one up in the summer.

I'm constantly having to remind myself that I can compete with my younger colleagues but that I am at a much different place in my life than they are and although Law Review and Moot Court and school sponsored competitions are at times appealing I'm not sure I have the time or energy to add these activities to my already very busy schedule. My family remains an improtant focal point for me, and helps me stay grounded. It's important for me to maintain some level of "normalcy" while working my way through the often unrealistic aspects of academia and law school. I know traditional big firms look at these as big pluses on the resume. But it's unrealistic for me to think that I am going to be vying for the big firm jobs that many younger colleagues seek, nor is this something I really want. However, it is hard to get out of the lawschool mindset that this the all or nothing--you must be on track--law review, moot court, etc., to get the good paying and prestigious jobs. I'm not sure that's necessarily true, and I do know that at my age, I'm not interested in logging 60-70 hour work weeks unless its for my own pocket book. It is a double edged sword though, because even if I'm not vying for the big firm jobs, even mid-size and smaller law firms place great weight on these "extracurricular" activities. It's not enough that I have a strong gpa, 18 year's of professional experience, and a huge amount of life experience to bring to the table. And, I know these activities are great learning experiences, but I also have to maintain my own life-balance. I know from experience it is extremely important in the real world for attorneys to maintain some sort of work-life balance, that many attorneys lose themselves in their work, and end up living a miserable existence. By exercising discipline now--maintaining a workable balance for me and refusing to succumb to the mindset, I will be able to practice this upon my return to the real world.

I'm not a big believer in New Year's resolutions. I believe its important to evaluate where I'm at frequently throughout the year, to touch base with myself, through journalling and reflection, and alter my course of need be. So I don't really make New Year's resolutions. Rather, I like to reflect on where I've been and how far I've come. I like to dream big on New Year's day. Sit down and reflect on my biggest dreams, write them down and then put it away for a while and get back to every day living. Frankly, this is how I managed to finally get up the gumption to return to law school mid-life. I found myself reflecting on this every year it seems, it was always sitting there beneath the surface until finally I decided it was time to do something about it. It should be enough that I'm finally doing this, without all the added baggage. I need to keep it all in perspective. Difficult at times, but important.

Alive and Kicking

2004-12-29T13:32:00.000-08:00

I've started this blog after reading a bit about blogging in the December issue of the Student Lawyer and scanning some of the blogging sites listed in the article entitled "The Blawg Buzz" Student Lawyer, Decmeber 2004, Voilume 33, Number4. As the name indicates this blawg is dedicated to all of us "older" and I hope "wiser" (although sometimes I'm not so sure) law students out there. I had always dreamed of going to law school in my younger days in high school and faced an uphill battle--a femal product of the late 50s I attended high school in the early 70s when Title VII was just coming into being young girls were still steered in the direction of "traditional female" careers--secretaries and nursing. Neither of my parents were college educated and neither encouraged me to pursue a career in law. My father suffered a stroke my senior year of high school compounding our already finanical difficulties and resulting in my working my way through college. I followed the career path suggested--I took shorthand, typing and other "office skills" classes. I have to say being a secretray is hard work and often underappreciated especially in the days before dictapphones, computers, copy machines and faxes, something this younger generation of women and men simply don't appreciate. Determined to pursue my dream, I worked as a legal secretary trainee while a senior in high school. After graduating I attended community college at night and worked for a time as an executive secretary for the president of a prominent company that supplied railway parts to railroads. He, unfortunatley was a sexist executive like so many executives of the early 80s and often sent me on "errands" to get his black Lincoln continental filled with gas and washed at the local carwash. I later discovered these errands were simply to get me out of the office long enough so he could do his main squeeze secretary. As a young 19 year old fresh out of high school I was a bit shocked and moved on to greener pastures--working as a legal secretary. It was a respectable career and served me well, paying for my college education. In the 80s the legal field was primarily still male dominated and I was often at the mercy of stressed attorneys with littel control over my own destiny. (That is another story). Suffice it to say that I wokred my way through college as a legal secretary finally obtaining my bachelor's degree and paralegal certificate graduating magna cum laude after after 10 years of hard work, working full-time most of that time. Rather than continue on I chose, partly out of finanical necessity and partly out of burnout, to work as a paralegal. 18 years later, mid-life, with a husband, two daughters a dog, two cats, a rabbit and goldfish I uprooted my family and moved from the only home my duaghters have ever known to pursue my dream. I'm now midway through my second year of law school, and often find myself asking why I gave up my life as I knew it, at this point in my life, to return to school at my age and compete with younger and more energized minds. And yet here I am, determined more than ever to continue pursuing this dream.

Attending law school middle-aged poses many challenges and I find little support for the older student in my own school, as well as little literautre or other information available to support the older student. I have no idea what my job prospects will be. I'm doing well in school and finished my first year in the top 15% of my class. However, class ranking is only one thing employers look at, and age is something that one cannot hide. Although I have gained a huge amount of experience as a paralegal and was performing many of the functions of first year associates, (and in fact training most of them) I'm not sure that the younger associates that interview me can appreciate that experience, or perhaps find it threatening, or perhaps I just don't fit the mold. The "stepford wives" repeatedly comes to mind as an analogy. Someone young and impressionable that can be molded into the particular firm's vision of what an associate is and isn't. Thanks, but no thanks.

But it was a good process to go through. I learned some things from the experience. I was forced to whittle my resume down to two pages--a difficult task for someone with 18 years of work experience and even more life experience. I was forced to face younger interviewers. I was often the one interviewing paralegals at my firm and now the roles were reversed, only the interviewer with the exception of two instances, was often at least 10 years if not more, my junior. I was forced to articulate why I had returned to school after all these years although this is something I need to continue to work on as it does at times seem a bit ludicrous even to me! I left a good paying job--making close to what most first year associates make right out of law school, to go into debt and face the stiff competition I must now face! What on earth was I thinking? And of course there are the family obligations and trying to maintain som semblance of normalcy and connection with my family while still trying to complete law school in three years with my sanity and my family's sanity in tact! Hmm, possible? I'm not sure, the jury is still out. But we (yes it is a "we" effort when you have a husband and two children (one a teenager and the other a pre-teen) that constantly enter the equation, that need food and clothes, and must have their own social life--attending school functions, sports, etc. etc--something my younger, childless, and unmarried colleagues simply cannot relate to) did survive the first year and are well into our second year. Nope, no turning back now!

And although there have been many downs--very little time to enjoy what little life I have, financial strain, long hours of reading and the stress of finals--there are also many ups. I'm learning a lot and am enjoying the mental challenge, I'm finding I can succeed even though it may take me a bit longer than my younger counterparts, and I know that in the end I will be able to look back without any regrets and without continually wondering, what if I had gone to law school? I'm living the what if. I don't have to doubt myself anymore because I'm doin git. It may be later than most, it may be too late, but I'm living it nonetheless.

There are so many things about law school that are different as an older student--primarily the looks we sometimes get, not from our students, but from our professors . . . I could go on and on, but hope to get some discussions started here, and provide some support for each other in this less traveled journey many of us "older" students are taking. I refuse to define "older" and I know there are many "older" students who may not be the "wiser," and in fact there are many "younger" students who are "wiser" than I, and I am often in awe at the younger generation and how focused they seem to be, to know what they want, where they want to be and how to get there. I'm grateful to be surrounded by such bright young people with such wonderful foresight. So feel free to blog away, young, old or otherwise!

Late Bloom.